Depressed Hetalia
by Lovingallisposible
Summary: A serie about Depressed hetalia Characters, some may have a happy ending, some may die, some may be worse than that. The ones i completed: Depressed!China A broken blade. Depressed!England No blood, no Tears.
1. Depressed China A broken blade

A broken blade.

Once, treated with love, Once full of glory, Once with life, Once was this the beautiful Chinese garden.  
Once..,  
but it was injured with a broken blade.. Just like his skin.

His pure Asian skin, which was like a red rag on a bull for western racists, was flowing into a scarlet substance dripping into his garden. Dripping on a lost flower that was waiting to wither away, because it was forsaken by its master. It was just dying under the moonlight that shined upon it.  
He could feel his whole body shake on withered grass that once had such a prideful green colour. His knees rested on the cold ground, but he was still shaking.  
The scarlet of his blood was beautiful in combination with the brown grass. His trembling slender fingers traced his scarred arm. He started to count them, but the number was soon forgotten. Yao actually knew he should have carried on a long time ago, but he couldn't.

He noticed an other sign of red on the grass. He smiled. A smile caused by a happiness that had filled the other seconds of his life. Sure, it was happiness... But it wasn't the happiness that you'd like to stay in your body. It would destroy it, body cell by body cell. Perhaps it was a new kind of insanity that he hadn't discovered yet.  
He tilled his red arm up to the black sky were he could see his sadness flowing onto the ground making it red.

He set his tongue against the substance before it reached the ground and he began to consume the taste of solitude. One drip escaped his mouth and dripped on the Chinese sword that he'd used to carve his skin. He picked it up to look at the patterns on it, which he once loved. After all, this sword was never made to hurt anybody. It was a decoration piece for on his wall that he'd made himself. He had been very proud of it.  
He sharpened it in the past, but it was such a dull blade now that it surprised him that it still created such neat injuries on his arm. He wondered why that was? Maybe it was still loyal to his master, allowing him to cut his sadness away.  
And those were the only injuries it would ever made... He didn't want to hurt people anymore.

Although they didn't admit it, he had hurt the other Asian countries a lot.  
They didn't treat him as his brother anymore and they eventually betrayed him. He felt the scar piercing in his back. It was a real scar unlike the ones on his arms. It was caused by a sharp blade and made by hands that weren't trembling. He looked down to see hands that were trembling; they were his own hands that were holding on to his precious broken blade. He saw the sturdy hands from Kiku before his eyes. The Japanese nation put his strength in the handle of his sword to slice the back of his ex-brother.  
Tears fell of Yao's eyes, adding one by one more liquid on the broken blade. Blood and tears mixed with each other.

This sword could have changed that day. Yao could have changed that day.  
But he didn't. He had remained silent as the coward that he was.  
The sword was with him on that day. It was sharpened and ready to battle. Yet his hands didn't move. His weak hands allowed to add a serious injury on his back. He had fallen into distress. His precious little brother allowed him self to be changed by the horror of war!

Distress changed into the big depression that was going on right now. A strand of his filthy hair tickled his nose and brought him back to reality. He picked up the blade and started adding more cuts to his arm. He cut and he cut until he felt his sadness walking away.  
He didn't care about all the blood he lost, he was immortal after all. It wouldn't kill him even if he wished for it.. Which he actually did.  
The red droplets fell on his white pyjama's. Normally he would wear red or dark green ones, but not today..  
Today was special. It was special for no reason. His feelings had chosen this day for being the chosen one, the one to add more blood on the withering grass. He started to lick up his blood as soon as he was done.  
Where was he..? Oh, yeah.., Kiku..  
If that was the only disappointment in his life, then it'd be okay.. Then he wouldn't be doing all of this.  
But all those westerners keep using him.., He doesn't know how much longer he could act like he was ok. To act as cheery as he did. As he used to be.  
When he looked up from his depressing thoughts, he saw his blood streaming into the small river he had created for his past hobby; gardening.  
He walked to it with a blank mind and a blank body. Only his feelings were consumed by solitude and madness. Or better said; the madness of solitude.  
His mind wanted to stop by the waterside, but his body didn't. He walked into the water.  
His white clothes with stained scarlet became see-through when it became wet.  
The water didn't stop his blood from flowing. It even seemed like more was coming out. The red substance marked its territory of despair in the water.  
The blood left his arm and mandarin nightshirt and it carried on.  
Funny...  
He couldn't carry on, but his blood could...  
He could not help but to add every disappointment to his collection.

He was shocked when he saw a fish swimming next to him. Something beside him was alive in here.. Here, in this garden!  
He left it so long ago.. yet..

He suddenly recognised the fish...

How... How could he...  
Tears started to flow down his face and he collapsed on his knees.  
How could this fish be alive!  
It swam so close to him, but it swam away when Yao let out cries of depression.

It was one of the koi fish that Kiku gave him just before he became obsessed with all the war.  
Kiku had a big smile on his face.  
his face was always so stern, but he smiled for Yao that moment.. He had said to him:

"This fish will symbol our brotherhood.. Thank you for all.."

Maybe he knew.. Maybe Japan had given him this fish to remember him to the good times they used to have..

But if it was only Japan telling him this.. What about the other Asian countries?

No, they were with him on that day. They all had guilty smiles.. Of course they knew what was going to happen..  
Except Japan.. Kiku had looked at him with a face he had stolen from somebody who was a lot more cheery then he was.. Maybe he tried to act like Yao..

Maybe he would have told his foolish older brother that he had to...  
carry on..

He stood up and ran forwards. His tears dripping into the water as if it was raining, but he knew he had to do this. He couldn't stand it anymore.  
He ran for hours through his garden, which slowly turned into a forest with a proud colour of green, as if it wanted to say that he had to carry on, that there was still hope.. Even for him. Even for Yao.  
He held the sword tight in his hands so it wouldn't fall, not yet.

He slowed down when he had reached his destination. He had to keep his balance so he wouldn't fall of it, but he knew it would be there;  
It was a beautiful waterfall.

He clenched his fists one more time onto the sword, his beautiful broken blade, before he held it up and said:

" Duì bù qî, xiöng di..."

He almost yelled it at the shining stars. He just noticed how beautiful this clear night was. He gulped and he gave it his all, when he let go of his sword. He couldn't hear it fall, the only thing he could hear was his heart throbbing in his head. It went faster and faster until he heard voices who said:

"Thank you.."

He was positive, that this were the voices of his family...

Even when they've said their goodbye, your family will always stay your family.. Related with blood or not.

He looked down to saw his present swimming next to him.  
It was indeed a beautiful koi fish. When he looked up again he saw the sunrise. It was a greet from the country where the sun rises. He knew that it would greet him every morning from now on and Yao would greet him with his sunset.  
He turned around and started his journey back home, the koi fish swam next to him.

The white koi fish, with a big red circle on his head and in the middle of the circle, there was a gold star, shining for Yao in this lonely night..

He looked at the fish and said with a small voice:

**"Lets carry on..."**


	2. Depressed England No blood, no tears

The slowly dying sunlight upon my hair.  
A slightly rising darkness shining in my eyes.

No tears, no blood..  
Just my existence  
my heart is just one deep hole screaming for someone's existence.  
a existence that will help me co-exist with that person.

_May God find me my existence_

No tears, no blood...,  
Just my existence standing in the rain.  
Rain that'll fall every second of my life,  
may it be real or just in my heart.

No tears, no blood...,  
But that would be a lie, wouldn't it?  
A tearing hole was in the place where somebody should embrace me and blood was streaming down on the floor where somebody should be to comfort me.

Maybe I could hug my own blood, but that would be impossible wouldn't it?

No tears, no blood...,  
but that would be a lie, wouldn't it?  
More tears then blood on the place where somebody should be to comfort me, to hug me,  
to make this bloody feeling go away.

_May God find me my love_

But nobody could save me now,  
Police, civilians, everybody was searching for the most feared drugs dealer from London.

Bloody and teary curses escaped my mouth when I heard the sirens.  
Police.

Was this the end?  
Would somebody care?  
Would I even care myself?

It wasn't like somebody would appear to give me the love I wanted as beautiful wrapped Christmas presents, like the ones I would receive when I was younger...

Christmas?  
That's right, Christmas.  
"S-silent.. night... H-holy ni-night.." I sang quietly with miserable sobs between it, even though there was nobody there to pity my. Only the person who controlled my self-pity and that would be the Oh-so-mighty Arthur himself.

"A-all.. is.. calm... All... all is.. bright..." It wasn't even Christmas.. At least I thought it wasn't.. I was to busy to buy a calendar. It could be April fools for the same bloody price, maybe this was my mind pulling a prank on me.

" R..round yo..yon Vir...virgin Mother and.. Ch.. Chiiilddd" A loud sob escaped my mouth by the last sentence, dragging my voice to a depressed sound. I would have loved to have children... I promised to God that I'd be very caring towards those innocent little creatures..  
But God wouldn't listen.

I would have been kind towards the ones who treasured me, but God wouldn't listen...  
My knees refused to work anymore, so I leaned against the wall of this forsaken shack.

_may God never forsake me._

The sun had set, the sirens where gone, the darkness had settled.

It was truly a bloody hell.  
No light in the shack. Of course, I could hear the noise of the city.  
The city he thought he ruled, but that was all just an illusion.

_God bring my body to heaven so it may rest._

But God had forsaken me.  
No love, no body, no existence.  
A mere disappearing ghost, who was always to scared to let anybody through his heart.

Why'd I blame god? It was all my own fault.  
I became too scared to let people connect after what happened with Alfred.  
Alfred was the one who had forsaken me, not God.  
I had been too naive, too pessimistic.

Everything in my hell-like life went wrong.  
That was when he started to rely on drugs. Thanks to those I had met my real friends!  
At least I thought they were.  
I had thought they were real.., but that is what drugs do to people...  
I knew that they were fake. I knew that I had to quit drugs,  
but I just couldn't.

I was addicted.  
Not to the substance,  
but to that face.  
That embrace.  
That love.

Love.

_I_ fell in love.

With that smile, with those eyes, those words. I fell in love with an illusion from the drugs I took.  
Even now her face was hunting me.

She didn't have a name, but she didn't need it right? There wasn't anything she needed. The lifeless should just stay in the merciless nothingness,  
But I still needed her. I needed her love.

Even though it was fake...  
But I needed it. I needed her.  
I collapsed on the ground.  
Knowing that the end was near.  
My end was near

"Are you okay? Arthur?!" Said a voice in the dark. It didn't had a tone, but I could still hear it. She didn't have a face, but I could still see her. Her beauty was stunning. She was exactly my type, but she was created by me after all.

"Arthur?! Where are you?!"

But right now I couldn't see her. It was to dark.

"... I-I.. I want to.. I want to see your f-face.." I said with a lot effort.  
Like it was a cue, the lights of the Big Ben went on and lit the shack with light like tons fireflies.  
Her face was truly as beautiful as I could remember. She ran towards me as if she was haunted by something.  
Even though she was the was the one hunting me.

She tilled me up to look me in the eyes. She was crying.  
It was weird wasn't it. I've never been this sober when I saw her.  
I wasn't even under the influence of alcohol or drugs, yet she was still there. It was a last present from God and the first.

"Arthur..." She said with regretful eyes while she looked at me with a sad mouth.  
"Y-yes, my dear..?"  
"D-do you love me?"  
"I do... With all my... heart..." I had to make extra effort to make my words sound extra loving towards her.  
"T-then, please love yourself!" She was crying. I did the thing that I never wanted to do in my whole life. I made her cry.  
"Be-because I.. I am yours!" She looked up to the Big Ben. Beautiful loud chimes could be heard. They must be for me, they must be for Arthur. Her none-existing tears fell on my blood stained shirt.

_**"B-because... I am..-"**___

May god find my way to heaven with the one I adore and love.  
God will never forsake me.  
Even in my toughest days.  
He wont forsake me.

He will find me my love.  
He will find my way to heaven.  
He will find my existence.

_**"-...I am you."**_

No tears, no blood..,  
Just my past existence shining in my lifeless eyes.  
I died.


End file.
